Nothing changes if nothing changes...

Recently, my life has had some changes... I've started to take a closer look at my self and how my behavior has played a role in these changes. It's hard when a big part of your life is suddenly missing to pick yourself up and make lemonade from such sour lemons. I've had to completely rearrange the way I look at things. I know there are behaviors that I need to change, attitudes I need to get rid of or reverse. "Nothing changes if nothing changes" If I want different results in my life I'm going to have to start doing different things. It's that simple. I want to feel better about myself, be more independent, more productive. I can't think of a better time than now, when I have extra time on my hands, I have things to do, and things I need to NOT do.

This post probably doesn't make much sense to anyone but me, but it's cathartic for me to write it out, and in a few weeks I can look back and hopefully be proud of how far I've come.

Maybe I should...

Someone recently told me that I should think about re-evaluating my life... maybe I should.

I feel like so often, I hurt myself by doing the exact thing that I'm trying so hard not to do. I do things I don't even really want to do, say things I don't even mean, and afterward I'm mad at myself because I brought it all on myself. It's almost always all my fault. That's the frustrating thing. I mess up the things I love the most by doing things I don't even want to do. Maybe it's an issue of self-control, thinking before speaking, chilling OUT!

It's a new year...

So it's been a month. Oops. I've been preoccupied with life and nothing too exciting has happened that I've neglected to blog about. I finished my finals and spent a week of doing nothing with my roommates as they finished out their semesters. Ashley and Jes graduated and got moved out after we had one last adventurous (to say the least) night together. It was a sad day when my three roommates smashed into Jes' over-stuffed car and pulled out of the driveway to take Lu to the airport. I felt overwhelmingly lonely that afternoon.

The next day I went home for a week of Christmas fun with my family. This included a sleepover with Jayda during which we played dolls and "horsey". When it came time for bed I realized that I may not want to have children as much as I once thought I did. She refused to fall asleep even though she was obviously tired, and by midnight, I was more than willing to trade spots with Kelly and let her deal with the unruly little princess. Don't get me wrong, I adore Jayda and I've spent the last three years of my life spoiling her with abandon. But anything that interferes with my sleep is enough to make me question my own ability to be a patient momma.

Now I'm back in Searcy, enjoying time to myself in the house. I've been cleaning, resting, and having fun with Adam and Amy. For new year's eve I went out with Amy to her friend's house. Her friends are so country... there was a bonfire and beer and chicken wings. I had a blast... but by around 9 Amy and I were both exhausted and her little step-daughter Madison was beyond ready for bed. By 11, after a quick sonic trip with Adam, I was in my bed fighting to stay awake until Midnight. Am I really that old?

just when you think you've seen it all

so i'm sitting here waiting for my night class to start and one of the teachers walks into the lounge to buy some peanuts from the vending machine. they get stuck, he proceeds to literally ATTACK the vending machine, punching it, shaking it, tipping it, kicking it... imagine how hard it was for me not to laugh at his bald-headed squatty figure going chuck norris over some peanuts.

kinda made my night.

it's beginning...

Finally, December is here! last night the girls and I put up our Christmas tree after I went to walmart and bought new ornaments. I went home for thanksgiving and forgot to grab our box of ornaments from last year, so I took it upon myself to buy the new ones. ashley had the idea to do gold and silver this year, and it looks really pretty! we've had our tv on the 'holidays and happenings' christmas music channel ever since we got home... i love it. it's starting to get colder outside. i'm not a huge fan of cold weather but at the same time i like it. i love wearing comfy warm clothes and snuggling up inside and i love wearing cute winter clothes to go out. it's not so bad i guess. it even snowed a little bit yesterday morning before i left springdale.

i had a really good time at home this past week. the only sad part was i didn't get a chance to see my friends. i got in too late on wednesday (thanks to my dreadful paper) and didn't get to go eat with everyone like i'd planned. i did get a lot of QT with my mom and sisters, though. so fun!

now it's back to school for two more weeks. i have 2 finals, a small paper and a few process recordings left and then it's freedom for a whole month! i don't think i'll even know what to do with myself!

really?!

can I just take this moment to say that SCHOOL IS MISERABLE!

I totally brought this on myself.

aye aye aye

This week has been out of control. Once again, I've procrastinated to the point where I can't even function. I have several different little (and big) things to get done by Tuesday. I always get it done, I just hate feeling so rushed. Which is why one of my goals for next semester is to stay on top of things!

But, once I get this all finished... I get to go HOME! I'm so excited for my 5-day Thanksgiving break. I get to see Miller and my family and I get to go shopping and see all my friends. Plus, I get to go 5 days without worrying (too much) about school. Really, once I make it through Tuesday, I'm finished with this semester. That feels so good just to think about.

Other than school... my life is really good right now. REALLY good.